10 Ideas for Transitions and Routines to Prevent Meltdowns
Picture this: It’s the dreaded morning routine. You feel frustrated you have to remind your child to brush their teeth and get their backpack ready in the morning. You also have to remind them over and OVER to put down their screens when it’s time to get ready for school! The stress and frustration leads to a big meltdown (maybe even for the both of you).
Routines, transitions, and following schedules are some of the most common topics I see that trigger meltdowns and power struggles. Luckily, there are some strategies to help! Try some of these ideas to make routines and transitions much smoother and more positive experience for everyone!
Act like an animal or character
This is a fun one! Instead of just going from one step to another, prompt your child to act like their favorite animal or character. For example, “Go to the bathroom to brush your teeth and act like a mouse!” or “Let’s go out to the car like Buzz Lightyear!” This switches their mindset and builds positive connections with transitions. Try some out for yourself and see if you child can guess what you are!
Pick out a song or playlist
Songs can be a great strategy to make the transition fun, and the song or playlist can be used as a timer. For younger children, a classic to sing is the Barney “Clean Up” song (cringey, yes, but it’s a catchy one and easy to pick up and learn!). You can ask your child what song they want to play so they have some choice. Here is a cleaning song on youtube that’s great, or check out your streaming app for playlists!
Use a timer
A classic, but there are different ways to incorporate timers depending on your child’s age or skill level. Children have a hard time understanding the concept of time when they are younger. By using a visual timer paired with a few verbal reminders, can set them up for success. Older children/teens can be prompted to set their own timer on their tablet or if they have a watch. Remember, an immediate switch from a preferred activity to a non-preferred tasks can be hard for anyone (adults’ brains are just better trained) and a timer/wiggle room helps children mentally and emotionally prepare for the transition.
Do a warm handoff
When children are meeting new people, in a new situation, or trying something new, a buffer or warm handoff can be helpful for them to feel more comfortable and relaxed. A child feeling uncertain or clingy to a parent/caregiver is pretty normal and shows that you are their safe person when they are feeling scared or anxious. Prepare ahead of time how much time they might need, say some fun facts about a new person, or have your child bring a transition object (something that reminds them of you, a stuffed animal, or a toy to share) to feel safe and secure.
Assess their skill level
A lot of times, transitions or routines are tricky for children because they involve multiple steps, and the steps involved might be hard for them or take more time. For example, bedtime… Steps might include: Brushing their teeth, getting pajamas on, reading a book, having their backpack ready, making sure their clothes are out for the next day, etc. That’s a lot to remember! Children aren’t born knowing how to do these things, and it’s important we see these as skills and needs vs. defiance or avoidance.
Go through your child’s routines and schedules and identify what skills they can do effectively, and areas they need prompting or teaching. To know when to start a routine or transition, think of how long a routine typically takes, then add an extra 10 minutes to that. This gives some wiggle room!
Get their attention
Research shows that our brains are ineffective at multitasking, or paying attention to multiple things at once. Truth moment: their iPad is more exciting than you telling them to wash the dishes. To prepare them for a transition, get on their level, get eye contact, and have them repeat the request to ensure they have heard you. This also takes out the “I didn’t hear you!” excuses. Taps on their shoulder, use a hand signal, or a words like “pause” or “stop and think” can be prompts as well.
Create a visual schedule
Another idea if multiple steps are hard to follow. Create a velcro sheet with pictures to show the steps for morning or at night, or you can do a daily schedule. If their reading and writing is more developed, try a white board or a calendar to keep in their room. It’s a fun way to help your child feel empowered with their own routines, and shifts you from needing to be there to remind them of each step.
Token system or rewards
If your child is practicing new skills or learning a new routine, try some positive reinforcement! Rewards that are highly motivating can help start out getting the hang of something new, and as they are successful, you can increase the amount of time or steps it takes to earn the reward. Sticker charts, prize boxes, or token banks are great examples. Younger children need immediate rewards to make the connection, while pre-teens/teens can save up over time. Pair verbal praise and name what they are doing well: “Wow, great job listening the first time!”
Tip: WE WANT THEM TO EARN THE PRIZE. It’s no longer fun if we aren’t successful or it feels impossible to get the reward. Go back to #5 in this list to assess for skills needing to be taught. Make sure the reward is actually attainable, and if it’s too easy, you can always adjust.
Be consistent and predictable
Children do well with consistency and predictability. Both adults and children feel organized, it reduces stress, and actually allows for more time with enjoyable activities. Routines help family members know who should do what, when, in what order and how often, and it takes out the debates or disputes to make decisions. For example, if Sunday is “clean your room day” everyone knows to plan for that activity. You can also bring in positive routines such as Wednesday nights are a “movie and popcorn night”.
Be mindful of consequences
Remember to keep in mind the overall summary of this is to help children learn the skills they need to be successful with transitions and routines. A few questions to ask would be: Is this the first time this has happened? What triggered the situation? Is there anything I can do differently to support my child? If they missed brushing their teeth, a prompt such as, “After you brush your teeth, then you can pick out a book to read” can sound more supportive than, “Since you didn’t brush your teeth, you don’t get a book”. Then go back to the other items in this list to see how you can help them remember next time.
I hope these ideas can be useful to you and your child, and maybe they even lead to some creativity of coming up with your own fun ways to do routines and transitions! Books “The Whole Brain Child” by Dan Siegel and “The Explosive Child” by Ross Greene both address ways to stay connected to how your child is feeling, and to identify their skill levels.
Ok, now I’m going to play my favorite Taylor Swift song and go unload the dishes!