Embracing the Green-Eyed Monster: Dealing with Jealousy
The journey of childhood is a complex and dynamic process, marked by the intricate interplay of various emotions and social skills. Among these, jealousy can be a very difficult emotion to help your child navigate! Here, you can learn more about jealousy, why this is an important emotion for children to develop and deal with, and how you can support your child when the slimy green monster of jealousy starts to take over.
Defining Jealousy
At its core, jealousy is an emotional response to the perceived threat of losing something (attention, affection, or resources) to someone else. It can be mild, moderate, or severe, and it is a sign that your child is developing a sense of self and the world around them.
Jealousy can start as early as toddlerhood when they begin to form attachments, recognize the presence of others around them, and make comparisons. Siblings are a classic set-up for jealousy to show up due to vying for parental attention and sharing resources within the household (screen time, privileges, having different birthdays, etc.). It continues as children get older as they begin to deal with academic comparisons, friendships, sports, and other areas of their lives.
Why Jealousy Is Important
“Is jealousy OK for my child to experience?” The short answer is “Yes!”. Jealousy, like all emotions, is important to experience to know how to handle it in the future when it shows up. Some key reasons why jealousy needs to be approached rather than pushed away are:
It helps develop a sense of self and identity
It increases the ability to regulate difficult emotions
Jealousy builds empathy and understanding
Builds resilience and that differences and losses are a part of life
Prepares for adult relationships in areas of effective communication conflict resolution, and appreciating others without being threatened
5 Strategies for Jealousy
Now you’re probably wondering, “What can I do when my child is feeling jealous?”. Not to fret! Here are 5 strategies on how to talk to your child about jealousy and tame the green-eyed monster:
Validate their Feelings
By doing this, you are letting your child know that it is OK to feel this way and this creates a safe space for difficult feelings to be talked about openly.
Encourage Verbal Expression
Ask questions and be curious as to why they may be feeling this way. This way, you and your child can identify triggers (not getting attention, wanting to get the same thing as their sibling, or feeling treated differently) and plan when similar triggers show up and how to deal with those feelings.
Teach Problem-Solving Skills
Work with your child to identify ways to deal with the situation positively. You can explore sharing, taking turns, offering them a different role, or other alternative ways to help them feel empowered and an active participant in navigating their feelings.
Highlight Unique Abilities
Help your child see that everyone has different strengths, abilities, and needs. This will help your child continue to build empathy and learn that it’s okay to feel challenged or to see others supported in different ways.
Model Your Responses
Tell your own stories about times when you experienced jealousy to normalize this feeling, and how you handled it. You can also use play, create social stories, or catch the feeling of jealousy in movies or TV shows.
Jealousy can be an ongoing process and may require patience, consistency, and curiosity. By using some of these strategies, and understanding why jealousy shows up for children (and even into adulthood!) it can take the stress out of feeling like jealousy is a “bad emotion” and shift it into a celebration of your child growing and developing more complex emotions! Because let’s face it, we’ve all had the green-eye monster take over at some point… even if it was for that last slice of pizza!