Is My Child Anxious? 8 Gentle Signs to Look for & How to Help
As a parent, you get to be your child’s biggest cheerleader, protector, and safe place. You celebrate their wins, comfort them in their struggles, and want nothing more than for them to feel happy and secure. But sometimes, in the whirlwind of childhood giggles and growing up, anxiety can sneak in—and sometimes in ways we don’t immediately recognize.
Anxiety in kids can look different from the way it does in adults. They may not have the words to say, "I'm feeling anxious," but their behaviors can give us clues that anxiety might be playing a bigger role than we realize. Below are some of the signs of what I see in my work supporting kids and with anxiety:
1. Tummy Aches and Headaches
Anxiety doesn’t just live in the mind—it shows up in the body, too. A common sign or symptom my clients share are complaints of frequent stomachaches, headaches, or feeling “sick” without a clear cause. This might be connected to a certain situation or place such as at bedtime, before going to school, or before a presentation or performance. If feeling sick starts to consistently show up in these situations, it might be a sign that worries are bubbling beneath the surface.
2. Avoiding Certain Situations
Does your child suddenly resist going to school, birthday parties, or even their favorite activities? If they are avoiding certain places or events more than usual, it may be their way of trying to escape anxious feelings. Anxiety makes us think that if we avoid doing things, it will make the anxiety go away. It actually has the opposite effect where the anxiety snowballs, and then when they actually have to go somewhere and can’t avoid it, the worries become much bigger and more difficult to face.
3. Big Feelings Over Small Things
All kids have moments of frustration, but anxiety can turn everyday challenges—like picking out clothes, trying something new, or making a mistake—into overwhelming experiences. If your child seems extra sensitive, teary, or frustrated, it may not be just about what’s happening in the moment. Sometimes for children it’s easier to point out the little thing that went wrong, as a way to let out or communicate more complex feelings such as anxiety.
4. Difficulty Sleeping
Nighttime can be tough for anxious minds. It’s the time when we remove distractions, are more with our thoughts, and when tired, feelings are harder to regulate and worries can take over. If your child has trouble falling asleep, wakes up often, or starts crawling into your bed more than usual, worries could be something to consider if you are noticing these changes.
5. Perfectionism and Fear of Failure
Does your child get upset if they color outside the lines? Hesitate to try new things because they might “get it wrong”? Anxiety likes to be able to control and predict how things are going to go. If something unexpected happens like a bad grade on a test, this can cause a big reaction of worries and uncomfortable feelings. Worry then makes us try to work too hard (aka perfectionism) to avoid mistakes to prevent those situations from happening again.
6. Lots of “What If” Questions
“What if I get in trouble?” “What if something bad happens?” “What if nobody likes me?” I like to picture Anxiety from Inside Out 2 where the character has a lot of monitors up and imagining all the “what ifs” and how to handle them. That’s a lot of work for our brains if we are constantly running through these scenarios! If your child frequently asks these kinds of questions or seeks extra reassurance, this can be another sign of anxiety at play.
7. Fidgeting, Nail-Biting, or Other Nervous Habits
Some kids twirl their hair, bite their nails, tap their feet, or pick at their skin when they’re feeling nervous. These small habits can be a physical way of coping with anxious energy.
8. Sudden Clinginess
When anxiety shows up, it tells us to go to people that make us feel safe. Ever planned to go to a party alone? Did you feel that urge to ask a friend or a partner to come with you? It is somewhat similar for children that may be struggling with separation anxiety or general worries, and it’s a natural response to want to be with someone we trust. If your child who has normally been excited to meet new people or try new things is suddenly stuck to your side, not wanting you to leave or expressing new fears about being alone, worries or anxiety may be affecting their ability to separate appropriately according to their developmental age.
How to Help Your Anxious Child
If you see some of these signs in your child, take a deep breath! You're already doing an amazing job by noticing and wanting to help! Here are a few gentle ways to support them:
Validate their feelings – Instead of saying, “There’s nothing to worry about,” try, “I can see this feels really big for you. I’m here to help.”
Teach calming techniques – Deep breaths, grounding exercises, or even a cozy corner with favorite books and stuffed animals can help.
Encourage “brave moments” – Instead of avoiding fears, help your child take small steps toward facing them with encouragement and support.
Create a worry journal – Sometimes, writing or drawing about worries can help release them.
Model calm coping – When you handle stress in a steady, positive way, your child learns to do the same.
Seek extra support if needed – If anxiety is affecting daily life, reaching out to a child therapist can be a game-changer!
At Grow and Thrive Therapy, I specialize in helping children manage anxiety with practical strategies and a warm, supportive approach. If you’re concerned about your child’s worries, I’m here to help! Contact me today to learn more about how therapy can provide the tools your child needs to navigate their big feelings with confidence.
Above all, remind your child (and yourself) that they are not alone. Anxiety is a common part of growing up, and with love, patience, and the right tools, they can learn to navigate their big feelings with confidence. And you? You’re doing an incredible job walking beside them every step of the way.